


Low/High

by HenryTheHAP



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Incubus Jace, M/M, Paid-For Sex, Shadowhunter Alec Lightwood, Switch Alec Lightwood, Switch Jace Wayland
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-16 17:33:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16958457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HenryTheHAP/pseuds/HenryTheHAP
Summary: This was a new low. Even for Alec. He knew he often fell short of his parents’ expectations. Even though he kept fighting to make them proud, he’d accepted he was a disappointment to them. And here was just another example. His parents, ashamed of that Alec had yet to become a man, had sent him to a brothel. An actual Downworlder brothel. At this point they’d decided it was more humiliating that their twenty four year old son was a virgin than it would be if he lost his cherry to a Downworlder in a brothel. With that, his father had made discreet arrangements, and Alec could only hope that whatever they were didn’t extend to giving his parents details of when he would fail miserably to perform.He isn't prepared for the beautiful, blue-and-brown eyed blond man with a cocky smirk and knowing look, nor the ride he's about to go on when he finds he can't get enough of the Incubus that consumes his world.





	1. Chapter 1

This was a new low. Even for Alec. He knew he often fell short of his parents’ expectations. Even though he kept fighting to make them proud, he’d accepted he was a disappointment to them. And here was just another example. His parents, ashamed of that Alec had yet to become a man, had sent him to a brothel. An actual Downworlder brothel. At this point they’d decided it was more humiliating that their twenty four year old son was a virgin than it would be if he lost his cherry to a Downworlder in a brothel. With that, his father had made discreet arrangements, and Alec could only hope that whatever they were didn’t extend to giving his parents details of when he would fail miserably to perform.

Pursing his lips, Alec squared his shoulders and ascended the stairs to the huge manor. At least his father hadn’t skimped, and had sent him to a well-reputed one. Well reputed by Downworlder standards, at least. Not that Alec knew if it said much either way. He wasn't sure if he would have preferred a mundie brothel or not.

He didn’t have a chance to fully reach the door before it swung open, and a beautiful red-haired woman greeted him with a flirty smile, offering Clary as a name. Alec was too nervous and embarrassed to even attempt to fake attraction. He felt sick. He knew from her discreetly calculating look that she was reading him. He wondered what she was. A wood nymph? Did he really care?

Giving a curt nod, meeting her eyes for the briefest second, he walked past her into the grand entrance. Honeyed words don't quite make themselves registered in his head as a thousand thoughts rushed through his mind instead. He didn't take in the details of the lush grand foyer, the tasteful and expensive-looking carpeted floor and grand staircase, with thick, red drapes tied back with gold ropes. There was comfy, plushly padded oak-wood furniture in the same colours, though a glance through the large doorway to his right told him it wasn't a theme of the place. He didn't see much, nor had he tried to, but he'd taken note of the people, men and women, in what looked to be some sort of bar. Probably where clients picked the person they wanted to have sex with.

Alec wasn't lead in there, but rather up the grand staircase. His father hadn't wanted his presence advertised more than needed, and had made it clear he expected Alec to have a private viewing. As if it helped Alec with his nerves. As if it helped at all.

The redhead directed him into a room, some sort of sitting room, where about thirty women stood or sat waiting. He could recognise that these women were all beautiful, varying in height and shape and skin-tone, as well as hair and eye colours. And he could also recognise that not one of them held his interest beyond a mild curiosity for the details that gave away their different non-human species.

It was truly horribly, because this room offered absolutely breath-taking women, and Alec... Alec felt nothing. He stood there, feeling helplessness well up in him that he hoped desperately didn't show in his face as he tried to figure out what to do. Just take one of them? Which one? Should he ask what they were? Did it matter when he wouldn't be able to perform? Maybe he should just turn and tell his dad nobody caught his eyes.

"Shara, here," the redhead woman held out a hand, and a stunning woman with tanned skin and pale blue eyes gracefully made her way forward, "is..."

Alec didn't pay attention as Clary told him about the various women, names, what they were, what they could offer, details he didn't care about. He felt faint. Judging by the women he'd guess he looked less than impressed by what he was seeing.

“That’s not what he wants.”

A blond man, slouched low on a couch and with his bent legs spread wide, one foot propped up on the broad seat, was watching Alec with a knowing smirk. His mismatched eyes glittered in amusement. As Alec watched entranced, he bounced off the couch and swaggered over, stopping to stand right in front of him and look up at Alec. Look up. He was shorter.

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

Alec was so mesmerised by the beautiful man in front of him he couldn’t speak. He flickered his gaze over the man’s face, returning to the sinful lips over and over, and the image of kissing those lips had him licking his own. His heart beat frantically in his chest, and he felt warm with arousal in a way he’d never experienced before.

“Jace only has female clients, but we have several men-“

“I’m making an exception,” Jace smirked, taking Alec’s hand.

Alec was all too willing to grasp the blond’s hand, feeling like he was in a daze as he let the man, Jace, lead him from the room and down the hall. It was only as they stepped into a bedroom and Jace closed the door behind them that he managed to gather himself. Jace had moved to the foot of the bed, and held his hand out in an offer Alec quickly took, letting Jace drag him to stand in front of him.

“You know, I’ve never had a Shadowhunter before,” Jace grinned as he studied Alec. “Or been had. How do you want it?”

The casually spoken question made Alec blush. “I-i...” he stopped, clearing his throat. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t you?” Jace purred, looking up at him through his eyelashes. His hands had made their way to Alec’s chest, teasingly tugging, but not popping, the top button of Alec’s shirt. “You sure?”

“I’d like to have you,” Alec admitted quietly, feeling shame at requesting that from a man who didn't take male clients and so most likely had never had something like that done to him. It felt wrong to put Jace in the situation where it would be difficult for him to say no if he didn't like the wish.

“I guess we’ll both have firsts, then,” Jace chuckled, seemingly not bothered at all by Alec's admittance after all.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Alec asked softly.

Jace laughed merrily, turning his head away for a second, before meeting Alec’s eyes again, expression full of mirth. “I have to admit, the idea of you fucking me is titillating.” He finally popped the button, slowly sliding his hands down to the next as he smirked up at Alec confidently. He opened the second one, and Alec flinched in on himself without meaning to. Jace paused, tilting his head a bit.

Face heating in embarrassment, Alec looked away, not able to meet Jace’s eyes.

“It’s okay,” Jace murmured soothingly. “We’ll go slow. Would you like me to undress first?”

Alec did, but he didn’t want to voice it. He kept his face turned away, but when gently fingers came up to his jaw, he let Jace direct his head forward, and he met the dual-coloured eyes reluctantly. The blond moved them so Alec was the one with his back to the bed, and nudged Alec to sit down. He stepped back, allowing Alec to easily see all of him as he teasingly slowly undressed, and Alec couldn’t tear his gaze away as more and more flesh was revealed.

“I can taste you from here,” Jace chuckled as he dropped his belt casually to the side. “I’m flattered.”

“Taste?” That caught Alec’s attention. He’d been so entranced by Jace he realised he’d never actually learned what the blond was.

That made Jace freeze in the middle of unbuttoning his pants. He dropped his hands to his sides, giving Alec a considering look. “I’m an Incubus,” he informed Alec. “That a problem?” He kept his face carefully neutral, though Alec could see the slightest tension in his jaw.

“Not at all,” Alec shrugged. “I’ve never met an Incubus before,” he added curiously.

Jace smirked, going back to the front of his jeans. “Well, now you have. I hope I don’t disappoint.” He winked at Alec to show he was joking about the last part.

“You don’t at all,” Alec said before he could stop himself. He blushed and fidgeted, feeling awkward and embarrassed at both his words and how in awe he’d sounded.

Jace’s reply was a cocky smirk as he removed his trousers, walking over to Alec in only tight, black boxers. “You’re too sweet,” he purred, before leaning down slightly and bringing their faces closer as he lightly hooked his hands under Alec’s forearms, letting his hands slide down them at the same time as he lifted Alec’s hands up and placed them on his hips. “Wanna help me with this last one?”

Swallowing hard, Alec noted that his hands shook as he curled his fingers under the elastic, letting Jace guide him in pulling down the underwear until it reached his knees, where the fabric dropped to Jace’s feet. The blond stepped out of them, though Alec was too busy staring at the fully naked body in front of him to really pay attention to it. He clenched his hands on his knees to stop himself from exploring the deliciously muscled form, or even running his fingers over the hard cock standing at attention. He realised he was painfully hard, himself, and abruptly, catching himself by surprise as much as Jace, he stood up, needing his clothes off desperately so he could feel Jace’s body against his own. He kept his eyes locked with Jace’s as he hurriedly stripped his shirt, unbuckling his belt and not even bothering to remove it before he popped the button of his jeans and pushed them and his underwear to his feet, quickly stepping out of them. They stared at each other for a minute, before Jace broke the contact to let himself take in Alec’s form. The unmistakable hunger in his darkened gaze had Alec surging forward, unable to hold himself back any longer. He let his hands wander, desperate to finally touch Jace’s stunning body, needing to feel another man’s form, _Jace's_ form, against his own as he pressed close. He mouthed at Jace’s neck, wanting to kiss him, but knowing that he wasn't allowed, as much as he burned to have Jace’s lips against his own.

The Incubus's hands on his skin felt anomalously hot, and goosebumps rose wherever they drifted from. The chill their trail left wasn't wholly pleasant, but instead gave Alec an almost empty feeling, too aware of every place those hands weren't. He needed more, needed to be closer, and soon he found himself dragging the blond onto the bed. He wanted the blond to surround him, or he wanted to surround the blond. He wasn't sure which. It was only when Jace chuckled and spread his legs for Alec to kneel between that he no longer felt alert to the world around, as if he was afraid the very _air_ was competing with him for the Incubus. Jace cocked an eyebrow, eyes glittering, and Alec wondered if he was feeding off of Alec's lust.

"No," Jace shrugged in reply to his inquiry. "I get that you wanna fuck me because I'm hot, but I figured you wouldn't appreciate my, ah, _special features_ to be too apparent." He licked his bottom lip, catching it between his teeth. "But I want to."

Alec nodded in acknowledgement of his words, but didn't say that he wanted that, too. He didn't have to. Jace could apparently read him with ease.The Incubus pushed up, bracing on one hand as he cupped Alec's with the other.

"D'you want me to, Alec? Feed off you?" he murmured so their lips almost brushed. He dipped in closer, and Alec couldn't stop the sharp inhale or his unintended attempt at closing the gap. The blond dodged him gracefully and chuckled darkly. He leaned in again, barely letting his lips whisper over Alec's before again teasingly pulling back when Alec tried to follow. "You taste so _good_ ," Jace admitted, and Alec wasn't completely sure he'd meant to say it out loud. The Incubus didn't seem bothered, though.

"So you are?" Alec said in barely a whisper. "Feeding now?" And Angel, he wanted Jace to say he was.

"Not beyond the equivalent of you smelling food, no," Jace chuckled.

"So how would I know the difference other than your word?" Alec wondered, trying not to sound disappointed.

"Mm, I'm not telling," Jace purred. "Just in case I get a little _naughty_.

"Maybe I want you to be naughty right now," Alec admitted hoarsely.

Jace held his gaze for several seconds, considering, but he didn't say anything. Alec had just lost hope that the blond would feed off of him without explicit permission, when there was a light tug in his stomach, above his navel. He gasped, and the feeling instantly vanished. There was a calculating look in dual-coloured eyes, a question, and Alec gave a small nod. He groaned and shuddered when he felt the tug again, this time a bit stronger. The feeling travelled down to his cock, which twitched and dribbled precome in appreciation, and Alec couldn't even find it in him to be embarrassed as Jace took in the reaction with an amused look.

"I'm glad you like it," Jace teased, slipping onto Alec's lap. His lips were silky as they trailed over Alec's neck, his strong legs wrapped around Alec's hips and hands unashamedly exploring Alec's chest, back, and arms, and Alec was happy to let himself believe that those hands very much appreciated the muscles they found. He gave a small grunt of discomfort when those fingers ghosted over his ass, though. A part of him wanted those fingers to explore further, but another part of him wasn't ready to accept himself that fully.

"Don't worry," Jace chuckled breathily right under his ear. "I don't have any wish to deprive myself of the feeling of your dick inside me, but you have a great ass, and I'm definitely going to grope it."

"I just..." Alec mumbled, feeling guilty. He was asking something of a straight man that _he_ wasn't comfortable with. It was wrong.

"Alec," Jace murmured softly, pulling back to cup his face between his hands. "I'm not doing anything with you I don't want, and I don't want you to do anything you don't want, either. This is us, enjoying ourselves. I'm enjoying this. I'm enjoying tasting you, and seeing you, and feeling you, and I'm going to enjoy you being inside me, trust me on that. Now, because I'm greedy, I'm going to have to demand you only do what turns you on, because your taste diminishes when you lose interest."

"You don't need to worry about me losing interest," Alec said shyly as Jace returned to his previous actions. "Are you sure?"

"Perfectly," Jace shrugged. "Incubus. Gender and who does who isn't really a big deal to me. It all feels good. I can't wait to taste you as you enter me." He slid off Alec's lap at that, spreading his legs wider as he leaned back on his hands, giving Alec an expectant look.

"Maybe I won't let you," Alec teased, reassured by Jace's words. He stroked his hands up the top of Jace's thighs as he shifted to lean in so their lips were almost touching.

"You wouldn't be so cruel," Jace murmured back confidently. "Now I want to know," he pressed a bottle against Alec's chest. "You wanna watch, or do?"

Alec pulled back to see what exactly he was being offered. "I don't know how to," he admitted, feeling his cheeks heat. He tilted his head away in embarrassment.

"I'll tell you," Jace grinned, placing the bottle into Alec's hand. "Just be prepared. Ass-play makes me bossy."

His teasing words made Alec almost choke on his own spit at the same time as it sent arousal shooting through him. He gave a small cough to clear his throat as he accepted the item, not knowing how to respond. He kept his gaze averted as Jace made himself comfortable on his back.

"Come on, Alec," Jace purred. "Play with me. Stretch me wide for that impressive dick of yours. Want your fingers in me." He writhed wantonly, and Alec couldn't help letting himself take in how the blond looked. The act was somewhat submissive, but not for a second did the strong, broad-shouldered blond come off as that. Instead, it was _demanding_ , and want, _need_ , screamed in every inch of Alec. His hands shook as he uncapped the bottle and dribbled some of the lube on his fingers.

The look Jace gave him was practically predatory, as though Alec was the prey he was successfully luring in. And really, Alec thought, he was. Not that Alec minded in the slightest.

"D'you know what I want you to do first?" Jace murmured, sitting up again to straddle Alec and placing his hand on the back of Alec's neck, lightly curling his fingers into the short hair. He pressed their foreheads together, continuing before Alec could reply. "First I want you to play with my rim a bit. Rub at the outside. Slip just the _tip_ of your finger in and tug lightly." He hissed as Alec blindly followed his instructions, groaning in pleasure as if he didn't notice Alec's clumsiness. Alec almost believed him. "Don't stop," Jace panted demandingly, noting Alec's hesitation. "Play with my hole. C'mon. Massage. Like that, yes, _peeeerfect_." He groaned, rolling his hips against Alec's fingers.

"You've done this before," Alec realised, pulling back so he could see Jace's face.

Jace tilted his head slightly, eyes glittering and smile unbothered. "Fingers, yes. Does that make it better or worse?" There was genuine curiosity in his voice.

"Both," Alec admitted. He gave a small huff of amusement when Jace pushed demandingly against his still hand, and started rubbing the tight ring. "Better, because then I know you're okay with this stuff, worse because you have someone to compare me to."

"Oh, I don't think anybody will ever come along that could compare to you, sweet Alec," Jace grinned. "And maybe I just the tiniest bit enjoy being the first to feel your fingers and having an excuse to instruct you," he winked.

"Do you?" Alec asked.

"One finger, to the second knuckle." Jace groaned and closed his eyes as Alec did as ordered.

Alec let himself take in the blond's face, swallowing hard as he looked at pretty pink lips, slightly parted and practically begging to be kissed. He licked his own, only to realise Jace had opened his eyes and seen him. Alec blushed at the knowing look. "You stopped feeding," he blurted, and it was only as he said the words he actually took note of the lack of tug and understood why it had gone. It left him feeling insecure, because how could Jace stop feeding if he tasted as good as the Incubus claimed?

"You taste _too_ good," Jace explained with a light chuckle. "It's distracting. Can't control my feeding and keep full focus at the same time." He ran his eyes over Alec's face, reading the lack of belief there. "Yeah, I made an exception for you because you're obviously closeted and I wanted this to be a good experience for you, and you were obviously not going to voice your interest, but it was also because you're fucking gorgeous, and when I tasted your reaction to me I _had_ to taste more. There are a bunch of other guys here who usually have male customers, but I wanted to have sex with you, so I saw no reason not to."

"Is it a Shadowhunter thing?" Alec asked. "My, uh, taste?"

"Start slowly thrusting." At Alec's blank stare Jace elaborated. "Your finger. In my ass. Thrust. A little faster. Deeper. Yeah, like that. Rub a bit. Fu-!" He widened his eyes, hips snapping sharply. "Yeah, like that," he added hoarsely, relaxing and letting Alec do the work.

"You okay?" Alec asked nervously, afraid he'd messed up. "We can stop. Maybe it's better if you-"

"Remove your finger and we're gonna have a problem," Jace growled, but it was obvious by his expression that he was joking. "It's good, trust me. I'd tell you if you were doing something wro-ong." He choked on the last word, letting out a grunt and throwing his head back. "Can't decide if I want another finger or not," He said when he'd tilted his face to look at Alec. "Your finger feels amazing."

"You don't need to bullshit me," Alec laughed. "I know-"

"You don't know," Jace cut him off hungrily. "You have no idea what you taste like, and feel like. And it's _not_ a Shadowhunter thing. I've tasted your kind before. You're usually pretty average."

"Thought you hadn't been with a Shadowhunter," Alec commented as he pressed against Jace's silky walls, enjoying every time he got the Incubus's breath to hitch or hips to stutter for a second.

"I've had the offer. I've tasted the interest. It just hasn't been mutual," Jace shrugged. "The nephilim essence has always been a curiosity, but not enough for me to be tempted." His eyes flickered down to where Alec's hand was between his legs. "You're getting the hang of this, I see."

Alec blushed, trying to hide his pleasure at the off-handed compliment as he played with Jace's rim. "Gotta admit I never thought this would be, you know..."

"Didn't think assplay would get you hot? Just wanted to shove your dick in?" Jace chuckled.

"Pretty much," Alec admitted.

"It is what you make it, and also who your partner is, in my experience," Jace replied. He glanced at where Alec was trying discreetly to press his palm against his cock to help with the pressure. "That doens't look comfortable."

"It's fine," Alec mumbled awkwardly, removing his hand instantly. "What's the nephilim essence like?"

"Two fingers." Jace shifted forward, spreading his knees a little wider. Alec could feel the smirk against his neck when he gasped at Jace's hand closing around his cock. "Two fingers," Jace ordered again, squeezing for a second. 

Alec shakingly pressed a second finger in with the first, not sure when he was met with resistance from the tight ring of muscle, but trusting Jace to say something if it was uncomfortable. He'd barely pushed past the ring when Jace fluttered and opened up to the new stretch with ease. He wondered if it was normal, or Jace's experience, or what he was that caused that.

"Like honey, maybe. But lighter," Jace spoke.

"What?" Alec tried to understand what Jace had meant.

"Nephilim. You all have this undercurrent of honey in your scent," Jace explained.

"Oh." Alec didn't know how else to reply to that. "What do I taste like?"

"Different things. Nobody ever tastes of just one thing. You taste of what you are. You have your natural scent, and then your moods all have unique flavours based on that."

"Sounds complicated."

"Not really. Three fingers. It's not like it's something we need to know or analyse. I just do when something interesting comes along. You probably do it, too. When you smell something you like, you take the time to note it and figure out what it is, don't you? Like flowers, or, I dunno, freshly mowed grass." Jace gave a grunt of displeasure, rocking down hard on Alec's hand. "Three fingers!"

"You really _are_ bossy," Alec chuckled. He teasingly hooked a finger on Jace's rim and tugged lightly, earning a groan of approval, before easing in a third finger with with other two. His finger wasn't as lubed as he would like, so he carefully retracted his finger before even having pushed properly past the rim, and he ignored Jace's impatient grumble as he added more lube. This time the slide was smoother, and he couldn't help his own moan as Jace stretched around his digits.

"You have strong fingers," Jace muttered absently as he leaned his head on Alec's shoulder and lightly rocked his hips against Alec's hand.

"Archer."

"Hm." Jace nodded against Alec, and he wasn't sure what the blond's reply meant, so he stayed silent, focusing on his actions. He was pretty sure the procedure of paid-for sex wasn't anything like this normally. He doubted there was as much talking or this almost companionable atmosphere that had settled over them. He'd also imagined sex with an Incubus would be scorching madness, as if being burned up and devoured. Not necessarily pleasant, when he considered it. But this was... Nice. Strangely safe, considering he was technically having sex with a predator. A mouse having sex with a cat. He chuckled to himself.

"Hm?" Jace lifted his head.

"Just thinking that technically this is like a mouse and cat having sex," Alec answered. "I mean, I'm your food. Your kind would prey on and kill me." Jace gave him a strange look, and Alec rewound his words, realising how mood-killing they were. "I mean-"

"I'm all too willing to treat you like prey," Jace grinned shark-like. "If you want. Like the thought of being dominated, Alec?"

Alec gulped, turning his face away in an attempt to hide his interest at the images Jace painted in his mind. He wasn't ready to face that. When Jace gently grasped his chin and tilted him to face forward again, there was no doubt in his mind that Jace had read him as easily as always.

"Today I'd rather be _your_ prey," Jace murmured, pressing a kiss to Alec's neck. "Now how about you take me?" He nudged Alec's wrist, and Alec took the hint, retracting his fingers. He watched as Jace gracefully lay back against the sheets, knees bent up and letting Alec see every intimate inch of him.

The view made Alec suck in a sharp breath, forgetting all about his discomfort as he took in Jace naked and flushed, hole twitching in request to be stretched. He leaned over for a condom, but Jace stopped him with a gentle hand to his wrist.

"I won't tell if you wanna mark up your prey," Jace teased, but it was more gentle than heated, more a request, like he wanted it as much as Alec liked the thought of filling him without anything between them.

Nodding shakily, Alec shuffled into a better position and lubed his cock up. He placed a hand by Jace's head, gripping himself in the other. Lining up, he hesitated, feeling self-conscious again. The moment would have been ruined if it hadn't been for Jace seemingly predicting his last-second panic. The blond met his gaze steadily, and then Alec felt that tug in his stomach that he knew meant the blond was feeding. He could even see it in Jace's eyes, dark with hunger and slightly glazed. The blond's lips had fallen slack, and the shift of his hips didn't seem deliberate, though the message of what he wanted was clear.

"Jace," Alec said breathily, pressing the head of his cock against the rim easily giving under the pressure. The Incubus rocking back was all the permission he needed, and he sunk into the tight heat with a deep groan. 

"Fuck," Jace hissed in pleasure, wrapping a leg around Alec's waist and pulling him in deeper as he grasped Alec's shoulder blades tightly. "Fuck!"

Alec was terrified to move. Not because he thought Jace was in pain or even discomfort, but because he wasn't sure if he could keep any semblance of control. Needneed _need_ consumed him, animal in a way that would have frightened Alec if he could have pieced together a thought long enough to consider it. As it were, he was more scared of _not_ being allowed to give in to the feral madness that had gripped him. 

"Alec, please..."

He'd wanted to go slowly to start, to savour his first time, and to savour the feel of Jace's silky walls hugging him, but Alec barely managed to draw out a few thrusts, letting Jace feel every inch of him and being able to appreciate the blond in turn. A primal part of him wanted the Incubus to feel him filling him up, claiming him, stretching him wide on his cock, and when Alec was sure Jace had gotten the message, he let go. He fucked the Incubus with abandon, making sure he hammered all the way in with each thrust, and when the Incubus all but screamed, desperately alternating between scratching at Alec's back and digging in his nails as he pleaded for morefaster _harder_ , Alec had no problem giving it.

Even as his whole body screamed with exertion, he only dimly noticed. He was too busy chasing the edge, pressure building in his lower stomach promising a reward for his efforts. He felt dizzy, and he knew it wasn't just the sex. The Incubus was still feeding on him, heightening his pleasure.

Fire blazed inside Alec as he danced on a knife's edge, agonisingly close. Jace looked equally gone, face beautifully flushed, eyes blown and glowing a barely visible gold right at the edges where the irises weren't completely swallowed by the black of his pupils. Hair stuck to his face, and his lips were parted as he panted harshly for air. Alec was surprised that Jace met his eyes, and had clearly been watching him. He'd assumed the Incubus would have his eyes closed, or at least be focusing on something else, based on the brothel scenes he'd seen in mundie westerns. He'd avoided looking at the other man for exactly that reason, knowing it would be a bitter reminder that Jace was only a paid sex partner. But he'd wanted to see Jace's face so he could commit it to memory. Now he'd wished he'd never looked away.

Jace pushed up to press a kiss to Alec's cheek, distracting Alec from his thoughts. When he settled back onto the pillow he looked so breathtakingly stunning, so open and carefree, that Alec felt his heart clench a little. He ignored it in favour of watching where Jace's hand was travelling down his own chest, to his stomach, before wrapping around his cock. The blond gave himself a teasing squeeze, barely having a chance to actually stroke himself before Alec was toppling over at the erotic sight. Jace gave a startled gasp and arched, then cried out as he followed Alec over, spurting cum over his own abdomen and fist. He collapsed back against the sheets, and Alec strained to carefully pull free before joining him on the mattress on his side so he could watch Jace come down from his orgasm.

The blond looked overwhelmed for half a minute, but when he tilted his head to face Alec he seemed to have recovered, a lazy smile stretched across his lips. His eyes weren't glowing anymore, the glaze of feeding gone and leaving only a regular dazed look Alec was sure he mirrored. After they'd caught their breaths he twisted his upper body towards Alec, reaching for Alec's cheek with his cum-covered one, only stopping a centimeter short when he realised. Puffing out a laugh, Jace was about to drop it when Alec hurriedly spoke up. "I don't mind."

Jace kept his hand between them a second longer, giving Alec a curious look, but in the end took his word for it and cupped his face. "I think you've ruined me for all other men," he snickered. "Nobody can follow that act."

"I can only hope," Alec answered, feeling a pang in his chest again, and wondering if Jace could tell he wasn't completely joking. He tried to hide that the feeling of his seed on his face wasn't all-too pleasant, because he wanted the blond to keep his hand there, but Jace must have noted the wrinkle of his nose. The Incubus grinned in amusement, rubbing Alec's cheekbone lightly with his thumb.

"There's a slight hint of cherry to your flavour now," Jace commented, mirth glittering in his eyes. "The irony."

"Haha," Alec said dryly, then added more curiously "really?".

"Yeah. It goes well with the vanilla." Jace removed his hand and got out of the bed. He glanced down at himself. "Thoroughly shagged. Gonna feel you for days."

Alec settled further into the sheets, knowing things were coming to a close, but not wanting to leave. His cheek felt cold, and he watched silently as Jace disappeared into a bathroom before returning a minute later, having cleaned up the mess on his torso and between his legs.

The blond sat on the edge of the bed, twisting to face Alec, and cleaned his cheek before placing the cloth on the bedside table. "How're you feeling? Regrets?"

"None," Alec said sincerely. He stretched, knowing he couldn't haul out his stay any longer, then sat up. "Thank you. For... Seeing."

"Sort of what I do," Jace smirked. "Being an Incubus."

"Could I..." Alec hesitated. "Could I maybe kiss your cheek?"

"You're just the sweetest, you know that?" Jace chuckled. "D'you always ask before you can kiss someone?"

"Didn't know if it was okay." Alec didn't want to say he'd never kissed anybody, nor prompt the blond for an answer he might have avoided giving.

"You've never kissed anyone, have you?" Jace commented more than asked. "What happens for you now, Alec? Are you going to tell you parents? Or will you find a girl and make your parents happy?"

"Will you tell them?" Alec asked nervously. "I mean, this place... Someone, will they tell them?"

"Of course not," Jace laughed. 

"I know my dad expects a report..."

"And we'll give him one. But he only wanted to know that services were rendered, and the contract fulfilled. Not our fault he didn't specify gender." Jace shrugged nonchalantly, then fixed Alec with a sharp stare. "You didn't answer me, though I guess your questions make the answer obvious." He cupped Alec's cheek again, closing the distance a bit as he continued speaking in a murmur. "May I kiss you, Alec? On the lips? Because I'd like to kiss you, and I'm pretty sure you'd like to kiss me, and it seems a shame to have your first kiss be with some woman you don't want it with, when I'd more than gladly have that honour."

Alec licked his dry lips nervously, trying to get himself to say yes. In the end he barely managed a small nod, and then Jace's lips were on his, the blond expertly leading the slide of their lips in a way that had heat pleasantly curling in Alec's stomach. In was slow, and lazy, and wonderful, and Alec gasped when Jace nibbled as his lower lip and then slipped his tongue inside. It was amazing. So amazing Alec couldn't hold back a moan of disappointment when Jace pulled back, reaching for him and trying to drag him closer again. Jace went willingly, this time meeting Alec with more force, but he quickly broke it, resting their foreheads together. Alec didn't complain this time, instead paying attention to how his lips tingled. He felt unburdened, somehow, int his room, with this Incubus, this man, and if his parents knew they'd probably disown him. And Alec knew he'd have to hide this side of him forever, but his firsts. His firsts had been great, had been with someone he wanted, and he would treasure the memories. They'd make the rest bearable. He hoped. "I need to go," he finally managed to force out.

Jace stayed quiet as Alec got into his clothes, and Alec knew he was watching him with that observing gaze that seemed to see everything. The silence let him enjoy for a little while longer the memories of moans, and caresses, and Jace's hungry look. When he was almost dressed, Jace tugged on his pants and shirt, but nothing else. "I'll show you out," he offered, opening the door and leading the way.

As soon as they stopped by the main door, Alec could feel the heavy burden that was his life, like a dark cloud waiting for him on the other side. "Thank you again," he said in a low, grateful voice, managing what he hoped was more a smile than a grimace at what was waiting.

"Take care of yourself, Alec," Jace replied with sincerity in his voice. He glanced around quickly. "I'll take that kiss on the cheek, now," he teased.

Not even hesitating a second, Alec swooped down, lingering for a few seconds. He wasn't prepared for the hug Jace pulled him into, but didn't mind. "Thanks, again. For... All of it."

Jace gave a soft smile, a sombre look in his eyes, as Alec grabbed the door handle and took a deep breath as he braced himself for the outside world. Alec was thankful that though he could see sadness in the blond's eyes, there was no pity.

When the thud of the door closing met Alec's ears, the cloud placed itself heavily on his shoulders once more, and there was a new coldness there, only kept at bay by sparkling, dual-coloured eyes, and a pretty smile.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

As Alec had expected, his father had wanted him to confirm the information in the report, and as Jace had promised, they'd skillfully avoided using any pronouns that indicated the gender of his chosen bed partner. Robert Lightwood had congratulated his son on becoming a man, at which Alec had mentally rolled his eyes, and that was it. The matter was dropped. It didn't fail to make Alec feel a bitter sort of amusement that his father seemed more proud he'd fucked a whore than he'd ever been about Alec's actual accomplishments, like when he could land three arrows right next to each other on a target, or when he'd killed his first demon. Even his mother warmed a little. He wondered how long it would last.

The only person who seemed bothered was Izzy. She was downright upset, Alec could tell. He wasn't really sure why. Was it on his behalf, because his parents practically forced him? Or because she didn't approve of the circumstances, and the use of a prostitute? He'd tried to confront her about it, but she'd ducked him every time, and made a point of not letting Alec catch her alone to talk. Alec wasn't really sure what to do about Izzy's distress. He couldn't take what he'd done back, if that was what disgusted her, and if it was about him not having a choice in the matter, after meeting Jace that hadn't really been a problem, either. 

His sister's behaviour baffled him, and because she was making it impossible for him to ask her what was wrong, he had no choice but to wait until she came to him.

There hadn't been much to do lately at the Institute, for which Alec found himself grateful. He liked being out in the field usually, but now the downtime allowed him time to figure things out and find a peace he never would have before. He had no illusions about how his life was going to play out. He'd become Head Of The Institute, make his family proud, and marry a female Shadowhunter from a good family. They'd have a few kids, and Alec would spend the rest of his life living a lie. He wouldn't sneak out on his wife. Even if the opportunity presented itself, and ignoring the risks, what he would be doing to her would be cruel enough, he knew that. She deserved a faithful husband, if not an honest one. As faithful as he could be, at least. He knew that whenever he took her to bed, it wouldn't be her he'd be seeing. Not if he wanted to keep her happily oblivious to the fact that her husband felt no attraction to her whatsoever.

As the weeks stretched on with very few, very simple missions that took only a short amount of time, Alec started to feel frustrated. It had been nice, but his free time to accept his future had slowly morphed into replaying his time with Jace over and over in his head. An ache that had formed in his chest the first morning after having been with the Incubus had slowly tightened in his chest, leaving a weird feeling Alec couldn't shake. More and more of his time was spent in his room, sometimes idly playing with himself as he thought about the blond, other times more determinedly, leaving him panting and sweating, his hand pumping his dick in a way that wasn't close to satisfactory after Jace's tight heat. He imagined things they hadn't done, things he wanted to try, and as the weeks turned into a month, he knew he had to go back. He needed to at least _see_ Jace. Talk to him. Or not even that. Just be in his presence.

It was slowly driving him mad. Every day he woke up was worse. He knew he shouldn't go back there, because though his parents had deemed his virgin status bad enough to have him go to a Downworlder brothel, they wouldn't be happy if they found out he'd been there again. And what would he really do? Pay for Jace again? Or just hope the man would be willing to spare him some time just so Alec could see him? And how could he really ask that? 'I would like to just hang out for half an hour or so. So I can stare at your pretty face. I'll pay.' 

In the end the reasons not to go weren't enough to stop him from caving, and he sneaked out and made his way to the brothel, hoping nobody would spot him and word would get back to the Institute, or his parents.

As he neared the building, he picked up his pace, until he was running towards the door. He knocked on it a little louder and perhaps more enthusiastically than he was sure was strictly necessary, but the ache was squeezing his chest painfully, that hollow part more apparent than ever.

When the door opened, it was the same redhead from last time. Her teasing smile dimmed when she saw Alec, and she didn't move to let him in.

"Please," Alec gasped. "I just need to see him. Just for a moment. Let me talk to him."

"You can't be here," the redhead replied nervously. "We don't want trouble with the Institute. You need to go."

"I just need a minute," Alec requested pleadingly. "And then I'll leave. No fuss."

"Jace is occupied right now, and will be for a while." The words were spoken pointedly, the redhead's face hard. The meaning of her words was all too clear. Jace was with someone.

If Alec had felt miserable before, it was nothing compared to now. He stumbled back, feeling the need to retch. All of a sudden he wanted to be as far away from there as possible. He didn't want to be there, knowing that only a little distance away Jace was buried inside some woman, feeding off of her and telling her sweet nothings. Making her feel special, like he'd once made Alec feel. He almost tripped over himself as he backed away from the house while the redhead watched. When she was satisfied by his distance, she closed the door. Alec felt cold all over. A movement caught his eye, and he looked up at the window, seeing Jace staring back. They both stood there, staring at each other, and then Jace pulled the curtain shut.

So he hadn't been with anybody. He just hadn't wanted to see Alec. He'd been doing a job. That was all. What had Alec really believed? He didn't know, just knew he didn't want anybody to see him like this. He wanted to be back in his room, curled up and hidden from the world as he dealt with the rejection. With being tossed aside like that.

Really, he knew he was being irrational. Jace had offered a service. There hadn't been anything more to it than that. The blond owed him nothing. He had no idea why he'd been turned away like that, because the place must have had regulars. Maybe they really were worried about getting on the wrong side of The Institute. 

In that moment he hated everything. He hated himself for being gay. For his parents making him go to that stupid place. For not standing up to them and saying no, or standing up to them and being honest about who he was. For being weak and letting Jace get to him like this. For meeting the blond at all, and taking him up on his offer. For being vulnerable with him. For not being able to pull himself together and being the soldier he'd been trained to be. Instead he was hiding away, in his parents' mansion rather than The Institute, and wallowing in misery and self-pity.

He hated himself for being a Shadowhunter, a nephilim, and the reason he couldn't go back there.

Anger, rage, filled him. He was out of bed in a flash, screaming as he tore his room apart. He dragged the sheets from his bed, smashed his chair against the wall and ripped his clothes out of his closet and drawers. Books and papers scattered around the room as he threw them in every direction. By the time he'd exerted himself, nothing had been spared. He'd even overturned his desk, smashing the framed picture of himself and his siblings. His laptop lay broken. Ignoring the carnage, he went back to bed, stopping only to get his duvet so he could curl under it again. He thumped his pillow a few times to flatten it, before lying down and desperately willing himself to fall asleep so he could ignore the world for a few hours.

It didn't work. He hadn't expected it to.

Hours later, when Alec had calmed down or simply given up and become numb, he wasn't sure which, he got out of bed for a second time. Robotically, he remade the bed, refolded and put away all his clothes, and straightened out the rest of the mess he'd made. He cursed under his breath when he picked up his laptop. He wondered how he'd explain that to his parents. Lastly was the picture, and it was the only thing he regretted being a victim of his anger. He crouched down to pick it up. Surprisingly, it had fared well. The glass had cracked into a spider's web, but hadn't come loose to create a hazardous mess for him to clean up.

Max and Izzy's faces, along with his own, stared up at him through the cracks. Max was sitting on Alec's back, clinging to his neck, and Izzy was leaning back against him as they all smiled goofily. It had been a beautiful day, and they'd been in the park, the three celebrating Max's birthday to the best of their abilities. It had turned out great, and Izzy had insisted on them taking a picture. She'd asked some mundie boy who'd gotten all flustered as she batted her eyelashes at him. Alec had originally protested, but when Max had aimed his huge puppy dog eyes on him, he'd relented. When she'd presented him with the framed picture two weeks later, he'd never been more grateful for giving in to his siblings' wishes.

Sometimes those two were the only things that kept him from cracking under the pressure of his parents' expectations. He'd look at that picture and be reminded that all his efforts and sacrifices were for the sake of his family. And for them. Because as long as he took the brunt weight of his parents demands, Izzy and Max got more freedom.

That was what he had to do now, too. He had to pull himself together. For them.

Alec sighed and straightened up. He placed the frame on the desk on its back. Walking over to his closet, he pulled out sweats and a shirt. It was time to stop pining and get in a workout before he got rusty.

 

~~~

 

About two hours into his workout Izzy slipped into the room. She regarded him for a few seconds, and he placed a hand on the boxing bag to stop it swinging when she walked over.

"No longer hiding away in your room?" 

There was a bite in her voice Alec had no idea what was about. "Can't get out of shape," he shrugged easily, not knowing how else to respond.

"Of course," Izzy replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes before turning to walk away. Her hand was on the door handle when she sharply turned around. "You know, you let our parents push you around way too much, but I never knew you'd let them take it that far."

"What d'you mean?"

"I mean for once you should have stood up for yourself, Alec!" Izzy snapped, throwing out her arms in anger. "On this one thing, you should put yourself first!"

"It was just sex," Alec said softly. "There are bigger battles to fight than that."

"You're wrong, Alec. This battle is the biggest. And I would have stood by you."

"It was just sex. Over and done with," Alec sighed. He didn't know what Izzy wanted.

"Yeah, it was so over and done with you've been acting weird for weeks. It's so over you've been holed up in your room for days! Why did you do it, Alec? Is our parents' momentary pride worth going against who you are? You'll never be happy, brother. You'll be miserable. It'll eat at you, and I don't want to watch you slowly die on the inside trying to meet our parents' expectations." Izzy was panting harshly by the end of her angry rant.

"They had some stupid notion I wasn't a man until I'd lost my virginity. Now it's done. They're happy. Problem solved."

"Yeah," Izzy smiled bitterly. "Losing it to some _woman_."

"W-what do you mean?" Alec hunched in on himself as dread filled him.

"I'm not stupid, Alec," Izzy said softly, all anger gone and replaced with sadness. "I know you're gay."

The words hit Alec like a punch to the gut, and he almost doubled over, feeling like he was unable to breathe. He swayed on his feet, and he was grateful when Izzy wrapped arms around him and helped him sit on the floor.

"Alec, I don't care that you're gay," Izzy gently said, holding onto him tightly and rocking him soothingly. "I don't care about sexuality, and I'd love you just as much even if I did. You're my brother." She pressed a kiss to his hair, stroking his back. "Please, Alec, trust me. Trust that I'll always stay by your side, and I'll love you always."

She must have known for a while, Alec realised. He knew he could trust her. "I'm sorry, Izzy," he got out in a voice so low it was almost a whisper. "I wasn't ready to be honest with myself. And I didn't want to drag you into it. But I _do_ trust you. I do." He paused for a few seconds, considering what he was going to say next. But she needed to know he trusted her. She deserved it. And Alec really needed someone to talk to, to confide in. And he knew the only person he'd ever confide in was Izzy. "It wasn't a woman."

"What?" Izzy pulled back so she could see his face. 

"It wasn't a woman," Alec repeated, meeting her eyes. He swallowed hard. "I was shown to a room with all these women in. I was trying to figure out what to do, and not to panic. It was horrible. One of them was introducing me to the rest, telling me all this _stuff_ about them, and I felt lost. And then there was this guy there. I hadn't seen him to begin with. He could tell I wasn't interested. That I was... Gay. Took it upon himself to announce it to the room and confront me about it, like a smug jerk. Smirked and got right up in my face. He was so gorgeous." Alec felt his cheeks heat at the admission, but pushed on. "He was beautiful. Took my breath away. Made it pretty much impossible to deny what he was saying. The lady said that he, Jace, his name was Jace, didn't have male clients, and he cut her off, saying he would make an exception. And he took my hand, and I couldn't _not_ go with him. It didn't even cross my mind. And then... Well..." Alec coughed, face aflame. "It was amazing. He, uh, he was an Incubus. I let him feed off me. Sort of, well, requested he do it. It was... It was _good_ , Izzy. He took care of me."

Izzy interrupted with a laugh. "Oh, it sure sounds like he did, brother." 

Alec spluttered. "Not, I mean, not like _that_. I mean... Oh, fuck." Alec dropped his head, embarrassment mixing with relief at _finally_ being able to talk about it. He leaned into his sister, ignoring her laughing and taking comfort in her acceptance. "I don't regret it, Iz," he finished softly.

"So then why've you been acting so weird?" Izzy asked. "I thought it was because you were, you know, _traumatised_ or something."

"At first I was happy because my first time had been good, and been what I wanted-"

"Mostly, at least."

"Hey," Alec grumbled. "You want me to talk, or not?"

"Talk," Izzy requested, apology in her tone.

"I was so grateful, and relieved, because I'd always expected my first time would be with a woman, and I know I'll have to marry a woman and all that, but I wanted to know what it would be like to be with a man, just once. I never thought I'd get the chance. He gave me that. He even broke the rules and offered to kiss me so I'd have that, too. I took him up on it. I got everything. Including them not revealing that I hadn't exactly done what dad wanted. I thought it was enough. It felt like enough, at first. I thought I could sort of surf on that memory for life. And then one day I wasn't as happy anymore. Instead, I began feeling the need to see him again, until it was so bad I went there. They wouldn't let me in. They said they can't let me come back because they don't want to piss off The Institute. I asked if I could just talk to him, but they said he was with someone. But I saw him, in the window. He wasn't with someone. He didn't want to see me, Iz. I don't know why. I don't understand." Alec let out a sob, sinking into Izzy's embrace as she started to rub his back again, pressing her face against his hair and cooing soothingly. "I know-" Alec choked. "I know it wasn't more than a _transaction_. I know I couldn't expect anything. I just... I needed to see him. I still do. And it hurts so badly and I don't know why or what to do."

"Maybe it's an Incubus thing?" Izzy suggested after a while. "Something he did to you?"

"No, I checked. I thought maybe that was it. But any withdrawal symptoms or reactions like that to an Incubus are always much faster working. And he wouldn't have done it anyway. There's no way they would cross The Institute like that. And he's old, so he didn't lose control. They wouldn't have had him there if he didn't have control." Alec pressed even closer, his voice wobbly. "There's this gaping hole in my chest, and it feels like all happiness has been sucked out with the very _air_ I feel like I'm gasping to inhale."

"It'll get better, Alec," Izzy murmured, squeezing him tighter for a second. "It'll get better. It sounds like you fell for the guy a bit, but it'll pass. I promise. Just give it time. You just got a bit confused. I developed feelings for the first guy I was with. You share something special for the first time, and you experience all these new things, and then you link them to that person. But you'll meet someone else, I swear, and you'll see what it's really supposed to be like when you like someone and they like you back."

"Can we just sit here for a bit?" Alec mumbled brokenly. "I don't want to be alone right now."

"Yeah," Izzy said sadly. "Of course."

Alec dozed off to his sister's soothing voice and comforting embrace.

 

~~~~

 

Despite Izzy's assurances, the pain seemed to get worse instead of better. He became lethargic, and no matter how much he slept he was always tired. He had no appetite, either, and Izzy had tried to coax him, bribe him, guilt him, and even at one point threatened to force-feed him to get him to eat. She hid her concern as long as there was anybody else around, but whenever they were alone, she voiced her worry. Since she spent every chance she got with him, that was a lot.

Alec didn't want to upset his sister, and he'd really tried to get over Jace. But the more he fought it, the more he tried to distract himself, to shove away thoughts about the blond, to throw himself into work or training, the more it seemed to exacerbate everything.

Luckily at least their parents were with Max in the Cairo faction, and he could keep up appearances mostly at the Institute. It was exhausting, and he didn't know how long he would be able to. He didn't know what he'd do when he no longer could. When people would start paying attention to how tired he looked, and that his face was thinning. He tried to avoid thinking about it.

At one point he'd played with the idea of giving seeing Jace another try, but Izzy had talked him out of it. She'd stayed with him in his bed that night, holding him and comforting him as he fell asleep.

When morning came she continued to hold him as he screamed and writhed in pain. Mornings and nights were always worse, and sometimes the pain was so unbearable he wasn't sure if he'd survive. At least not with his sanity intact.

Though he'd assured Izzy that there was no way this was some sort of Incubus-caused issue, they'd both ended up pouring over any information they could find, even going so far as looking at mundie sources, in the hopes of an explanation for his reaction. Izzy had discreetly asked around amongst her Downworlder contacts, hoping one of them would know where she could find an Incubus or Succubus, though none of them were willing to help, and she couldn't go through any official channels in case people started asking questions. But, as she'd argued, if Alec got much worse, they wouldn't really have a choice. They'd discussed contacting the brothel, but since they doubted there would be much help to find there, it was their second-to-last resort. Alec hoped it wouldn't come to that. He'd be on death's door before he'd willingly let Jace know what was happening. How humiliating wouldn't it be to die from heartbreak after one paid-for night?

Judging by how Izzy looked at him these days, they were nearing that second-to-last resort. 

 

TBC...

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos feed the soul!


End file.
